The sky goes on forever

I look for reasons to live in the shape of the clouds sometimes

This is my life,

And it wouldn’t be beautiful without the sadness I feel.

The plain blue sky wouldn't be half as pretty 

if it wasn’t the only thing anchoring me to the ground today.

Whenever I feel solitary and sad I try to look up at the sky 

and think of everyone who shares it with me.

The blue, the birds, the gray, my words.

Sometimes if you just sit and listen,

You can hear the breeze begging you to stay,

Close your eyes and take in the sunlight,

Everything just feels nice.

The green of the leaves

Will make you believe 

That there is still life left to live.

You look up and

the sky goes on forever

And so does your soul,

Undeterred by some future prospect of sadness 

because I am happy in this moment 

and that matters more than a vague tomorrow ever will.

Can we measure the good against the bad?

Is it a point system? Where five shitty days outweigh 

the one birthday when my best friend licked icing off my nose?

Is the smile in my eyes once a day really worth

the plummeting feeling in my heart every time the perfect guy doesn’t text me?

Can there be a perfect guy if the good and the bad exist together?

Does perfection have to be an absence of error?

Is it a point system? Where every time my mom cries because of me, 

she also gets to be really proud of something I do?

Does the sleep I lose when my dog is sick balance out

the happiness I feel when she snuggles into my lap?

Is the feeling of a full stomach enough to pardon the times I forget to eat?

Is it okay to pardon the bad? Is it okay to condemn the good?

Is it a point system? Where helping someone through a panic attack

makes the time I laughed at someone falling okay?

Can the sum total of happy days exactly equal 

the number of days I’ve found that the only way to survive is to hide under my bed?

Is it okay to hope for a good day after a bad one?

Is it okay to wish for a good day after an already good one?

Am I pushing my luck?

Is it a point system? Where I can measure the good against the bad 

and get a perfectly balanced weighing scale?

Can the transience of life ever dare to make up for the permanence of death? 

Is symmetry perfect? 

Is it completely stupid to hope for asymmetry?

Can there be more happiness than sadness? 

Is it okay to push my luck?

Do I lose points for asking you a million existential questions at 1am on a weeknight?

is existence just a series of pitfalls on the road to a golden leaderboard?

are you good?

are you trying to be?

shouldn’t trying be enough for us?

enough for me?

I want you to remember the rain

The cold breeze that blew through you like happiness, 

and sadness, for that matter, once did.

I want you to remember how fulfilled you felt,

How you went from being numb to feeling the grief

and loneliness of a distant fictional character,

How you went from being numb to feeling loved.

I want you to remember how you opened up your heart 

to the meandering tunes that surrounded you like the cool humidity.

I want you to remember how the rain made you feel, 

how the rain healed you.

How the breeze filled your lungs

and dulled your memories of anguish.

I want you to remember smiling to yourself 

as the raindrops liberated your heavy heart,

And sang louder than the death march that seemed to consume your being.

How feeling someone else’s grief eased your own ailing,

how reading someone else’s words let your own come alive,

It’s been a while.

I want you to remember the rain.